Midnight approaches as she sits on her bed writing her stories and truths. She will still be awake as two a.m. comes and goes because this is her peace. Everyone sleeps while she reads and writes finally thinking clearly in the silence. During the day there is no quiet and thoughts are tucked away in safe places so that no one can glimpse them in the light. Her thoughts swirl through the dark of the night whispering their secrets, stories, and lies. The truth isn’t so scary when it is hugged by darkness and she feels as if she is the only one awake to see it. There are no prying eyes criticizing her thoughts or making her feel inferior.
This is a poem I wrote about 2 years ago. Let me know what you think of it! Enjoy! Remember to subscribe and like my posts!
They both found love so very young
Not heated moments of passion
Full of intimate kisses and soft caresses
Nor meaningless relationships of convenience
No, they found the kind of love
Everyone so desperately searches for
Now the last of the three
Is right where they were
Except she hasn’t found love
After all, who could love someone so damaged
The other two were lucky
They got out before hell completely took over
So they came out a bit bruised and battered
But still so loveable
And here she is almost out
But practically torn to shreds
By harsh realities of an evil
That everyone experiences eventually
Still, she holds on to a hope of a second chance at life
While she lusts for love
Sierra Demulder is a poet. I love her poetry and I found a video of her performing her poem “Paper Dolls” it is a powerful poem that speaks on the subject of rape. As a rape survivor this poem touched me and has given me strength. Please check out this video! Enjoy! The poem itself is typed out below the video. I recommend watching the video of her performing the poem. It is very powerful.
We are taught
from the moment we leave our pink nursery
that we are collapsable paper dolls
light to hold
easier to crumple.
that as women our worth lies secretly wrapped in lace and cotton panties
our fragility armored with pepper spray and mace, they say:
ONE IN TEN. ONE IN SIX. ONE IN THREE
women will be raped or sexually abused in her lifetime
and I am one of three daughters.
Now imagine
Each victim is an acrobat
Her sanity a balancing act
Our response is the unfailing safety net
We never expect to see her across the wire
You weren’t just violated, we tell her
You are an empty museum
A gutted monument to what used to hold so much worth
And with the best intentions we tell her to reclaim it,
Put a price tag on her rape and own it,
But don’t stand too tall, don’t act too strong
or we will name you denial, come back when you’re ready to crumble
Like your bones are made of chalk
You may only laugh cutely or cry beautifully
So cry beautifully
We are calling it theft
As if he could pluck open your ribs like cello strings
Pocket your breasts, steal what makes your heart flutter and tack its wings to his wall,
Some days you will feel dirty!
Some days you’ll remember how hard it is to breathe in public, like your heart beat is climbing to the attic of your throat only to suicide itself out on the pavement
But know this: the person who did this to you is broken, not you.
The person who did this to you is out there, somewhere choking on the glass of his chest, it is a windsheild, and his heart is a baseball bat saying regret this, regret this
NOTHING WAS STOLEN FROM YOU.
Your body is not a hand-me-down
There is nothing that sits inside you holding your worth,
no locket that can be seen or touched, fucked from your stomach and left on the concrete
And I know sometimes it’s hard to feel perfect
when you can’t tell an adam’s apple from a fist
because some ashtray of a man forced you to play his eden.
Hey everyone! I don’t usually post two poems in a row but I figured its father’s day so I wanted to share this poem. Its about my parents and how my relationship has changed with them throughout the years. I hope you enjoy! Please subscribe and leave lots of comments!!
The Road to Appreciation
Six years old
Mommy and daddy
Perfect in every way
Always by my side
They kissed me when I fell
Danced around the house with me
Taught me how to swing
And kept me safe
13 years old
Mom and dad
A pain in every way
Always lecturing about school work
And being a diligent student
They yelled and punished
And made my world difficult
18 years old
Mom and dad
Respected and loved
Sometimes annoying
They let me fail and succeed on my own
They helped me choose a college
And wish nothing but the best for me
Despite every “I hate you”
And “leave me alone”
Not a day goes by
That I don’t wish
They could be immortal
Hey this is a poem I wrote about a year ago in a creative writing class. It is about my dad and one of the worst nights of my life. I worked really hard on this piece. Normally it is formatted a bit differently than it is here but I cannot format it that way on wordpress. I hope you enjoy it and please follow my blog and leave comments. Thanks!
He gasped for breath
Laying in the hospital bed
Pleading us to kill him
“Please – it hurts, please
Kill me – just kill me”
The girl sat off to the side
Silent tears streaming down her face
As nurses rushed around the room
The harsh fluorescent lighting
Illuminated the scene below
As the smell of disinfectant
Filled the air, choking the girl.
His body shook violently
As she hugged him tight
Between gasps he kept repeating
“I love you
I’m sorry”
It was too much to handle,
She retreated to the dimly lit lobby
And watched the sunset
As she eavesdropped
On other families’ tragedies
And took deep gulps of breath
As she desperately called for rescue
And ran away in cowardice.
She dragged herself through the kitchen
Cleaning dishes from the dinner they never finished
Then collapsed on the cold hardwood floor,
Staring at the betraying hands of the clock
Telling her it was eleven p.m.
Panic rose inside of her
As she realized
She might lose him-
Tonight.
Selfish words of protest overcame her
He couldn’t leave her
Not yet.
One a.m. came and went
And he was still lying
In that white hospital bed
With IV needles buried deep in his veins
While the girl was at home
Pacing around in worry, guilt, and pity.
The girl let the burning hot water relax her
As she stood in her shower at two a.m.
Breathing steam into her lungs
Pretending it eased the lump that formed in her chest.
She gave way to her exhaustion
Only to wake up four hours later
To move like a zombie through school
Then arrive home that afternoon
To see him laying on his blue leather chair
But her relief came with sadness
As she saw the gauze and bandages
Reminding her of the night before
They all made their best attempts
To pretend life was the same as always
Going about their normal afternoon routines
But in a much more subdued manner
Afraid too much noise would ignite the chaos
That had consumed their household
The girl fielded concerned calls
From friends and family members
Reinventing the previous night’s events
With less drama and a positive twist
All the while counting the minutes
Until the conversation was done
She’d heard every sympathetic word in the book
And each one had lost its charm long ago
Not one of those silly words would cure him
And she just wanted to be left alone
Each night for weeks she lay awake
Wrapped in her fluffy purple quilt
As she suppressed the sounds of her sobs
Crossed her arms over her ribcage
Attempting to hold herself together
Until exhaustion pulled her into a deep sleep
Allowing her to enter a world
Where disease is nothing but a myth
And no one has to listen to their daddy
Beg for death in a white hospital bed
You tried to do everything right
Got us in good school
Made sure we made good friends
Stayed up late to help us study
Tried to teach us right from wrong
But despite all that
All three of your daughters’ minds
Are constantly overflowing
With illogical worries and anxieties
That cause their minds to race
Their hearts to beat faster and faster
And panic to course through their veins
Until they simply cancel plans
And hide themselves in a cocoon of anxiety
In addition your oldest daughter fought herself
Not to check that lock two more times
Despite her compulsions
Your middle daughter’s grades
Left something to be desired
But then again, so did her attention span
And me – your youngest
Has darker thoughts than you’ll ever know
That middle daughter of yours
Fought you everyday all day long
Finally she graduated high school
And you breathed a sigh of relief
Until she walked in the house that summer
With her boyfriend on her arm
And she wrote a note for you and dad
Telling you a little baby was on the way
You spend your nights worrying
That you’re going to wake up
With a corpse lying beside you
Because your husband – my daddy –
Is fighting a disease and
Let’s face it,
You’re growing tired
Of picking up prescriptions
Speeding to the hospital
And calling doctors
After all this
I understand why you wonder if you failed
But think about it again
And see three headstrong girls
The two oldest married with college degrees
The youngest confidently traveling 18 hours away
To attend her dream college
You even have two beautiful granddaughters
Who worship the ground you walk on
So sit down
Have a cup of tea
And we’ll be just fine mom,
Won’t we…
How is he doing? Terrible and he will never be doing better
What part of terminal disease do you not understand It must be hard to watch him struggle Actually it’s excruciating to watch my daddy
Be rushed to the hospital and cry from the pain How does your mom handle it all? I don’t fuck now
I try not to discuss her husband’s imminent death At least you have your family to support each other, right? We were never that close
And still aren’t and never will be
Thanks so much for asking Oh and by the way for one, single second
I was able to forget all that pain
But thank you so much
For not allowing me a moment of peace
Lush green grass
Each blade perfectly manicured
The light blue of a glistening pool
Breaking up the abundance of deep green
Large brick houses complete the picture
You know too much…
Behind closed doors
A wife cheats on her husband
They all saw it coming when she got the fake tits
A child cringes as his dad spews words of hate – belt in hand
The thought he was a loving father
A teen contemplates suicide for the third time that day
They would have never guessed she was depressed
You know too much…
The smooth hardness of ricks grace their hands
Others secrets whispered and spread swiftly like disease
Public punishments for publicly spoken sins
You know too much…
Hush, hush
They mustn’t hear
God forbid you utter your own secret
Anywhere but the dark corners of your sin
While others giggle out your secret
As they lie in the sun, daiquiri in hand
You know too much…
Do what you please
Just keep quiet
It’s everyone else’s hob to discuss it
atouchofinsanity 